oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
