The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
