They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Randomize
