I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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