So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
