I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize