hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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