You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Semen is not good for contacts.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Randomize