He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
How external is "for external use only"?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
