I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
