I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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