maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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