Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
