to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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