And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
