OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Randomize
