i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
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It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
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Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize