normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
