There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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