Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
