Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
