shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
