My sheets look like a crime scene.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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