I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I can text with my tongue
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
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