Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
