I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
