you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
