I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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