did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
