Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
