Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
you never un-have a 4some
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
