i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
