The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
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How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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