this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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