I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
