Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
