dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
