some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
