I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
