I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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