haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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