When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary