There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.