His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
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