I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
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