Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs. http://tfl.nu/6isi
  Replies (14) Good night (2784) Bad night (597)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.

  (623): View more from Arizona

  Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one. (623): Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully. http://tfl.nu/x05a
  Replies (36) Good night (4685) Bad night (618)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese http://tfl.nu/clhz
  Replies (16) Good night (4138) Bad night (771)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab. http://tfl.nu/iyx8
  Replies (14) Good night (4780) Bad night (924)
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show. http://tfl.nu/suqh
  Replies (31) Good night (1397) Bad night (4624)
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (831): she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it. http://tfl.nu/5c70
  Replies (16) Good night (4655) Bad night (1159)
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (260): A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him http://tfl.nu/k8ud
  Replies (25) Good night (1634) Bad night (6534)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out. http://tfl.nu/0a1m
  Replies (15) Good night (3195) Bad night (864)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady. http://tfl.nu/u3v1
  Replies (8) Good night (4193) Bad night (789)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost. http://tfl.nu/w01g
  Replies (17) Good night (7360) Bad night (974)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center http://tfl.nu/rfee
  Replies (9) Good night (2588) Bad night (905)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone. http://tfl.nu/bfil
  Replies (12) Good night (1241) Bad night (446)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?! http://tfl.nu/7tg4
  Replies (10) Good night (499) Bad night (755)
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail". http://tfl.nu/i687
  Replies (9) Good night (966) Bad night (337)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life... http://tfl.nu/r8ks
  Replies (3) Good night (320) Bad night (509)

Randomize