Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
