We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I will be naked everywhere
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
