i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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