I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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