Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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