In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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