Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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