Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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