why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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