You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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