I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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