Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
i've created a new STD.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
