I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I currently don't understand fingers.
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