That's when you crack a 10am beer
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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