I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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