there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
