I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
