Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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