two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
