Swine flu. Run for my life!
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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