i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
