i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
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You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
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The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo