where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
