i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards