Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
