Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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