Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
