I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
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the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
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She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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