There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
How's work?
Spinning.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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