just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
