How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
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