it hurts more in the daytime
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I got inside last night via doggy door
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
