living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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