I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
