oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
