Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
