If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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