if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
