note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
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so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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