There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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