i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
