Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
