Someone shit on the floor
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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