I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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