why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
