My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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